Corte Madera Chronicles

A group blog; a place to share photos, thoughts, stupid shit we find on the internet, whatever. Hopefully we'll get at least one post per day from someone, and not so many posts that it's too overwhelming. Have fun!

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

The Coming War

The Coming War
by Zay Amsbury

(Spot up fast down left. A reporter. Wind blowing. She’s swaying back and forth like he’s on a boat. British accent.)

REPORTER
Here we are, in the East China Sea where tensions are reaching their limit – as oil reserves continue to be depleted worldwide, the fast-growing economy of China has laid claim to the North China Sea, whilst, at the same time Japan has also brought its army here, to the middle of the ocean, where soon, many say, their armies will clash in continuing worldwide wars for control of the dwindling fossil fuels on this, our fragile globe.
And – yes, yes I’m hearing now – dear god. Yes, yes, it’s happening the fleets of China and Japan have begun this conflict, this most disastrous, dangerous, dizzying conflict between major world superpowers.

(Crossfade to two Japanese officers. They speak in Japanese. When they speak, a projection of subtitles appears on the back of the stage.)

OFFICER 1
Sir, sir, there are too many of them!

OFFICER 2
We will not submit.

OFFICER 1
But their numbers are too great, we must compromise!

OFFICER 2
No compromise! You speak without honor!

OFFICER 1
But what will we do?

OFFICER 2
We must release…
Godzilla.

(Officer 1’s face freezes in terror. Crossfade to opposite side of the stage. Chinese officers, who look almost exactly the same, speak. Same subtitle deal.)

OFFICER 1
Sir, what is that?

OFFICER 2
Oh no, they no – merciful Mao!
They have released…
Godzilla!

(Blinding flash onstage. Godzilla’s terrible cry echoes throughout the theater.)

(White wash onstage. A guy in a Godzilla suit stomps back and forth, chewing on model warships and aircraft carriers.)

(Blackout and spot up on Chinese officers.)

OFFICER 1
By the little red book! What will e do!

OFFICER 2
We must release…The Wuxia Fighters.

OFFICER 1
Sir! No!

OFFICER 2
Wong Fei Hong Jet Li! Invincible Asia! Ling! Wong Fei Hung Jackie Chan! Li Mu Bai and Green Destiny! Nameless Hero from Hero! Attaaaaaack!

OFFICER 1
But Sir! Three of those wuxia characters are played by the same actor!

OFFICER 2
I will kill you for your insolence!

(Officer 2 kills officer 1. Sudden flash and now the wash again, as the wuxia characters enter and attack Godzilla.)

(The Japanese Officer 2 appears.)

OFFICER 2
Bring in Mothra! Mecha-Godzilla! Megalon! Destroyah! MONSTER ZERO!!!

(These monsters attack. Chinese Officer 2 appears.)

OFFICER 2
No. NOOOO!
We must, we must,
SUMMON THE SPIRIT OF BRUCE LEE!

(A huge crash. Everyone freezes. Bruce Lee appears, greased and yelling, attacking everyone onstage.)

(They fight as the Reporter reenters.)

REPORTER
It is utter carnage here as the war has, officially begun. I can only describe the scene as utterly, truly, stupid. As always, I will remain, and report what I can, for as long as I can.
Dear God. What’s that? No, the American’s have, OH DEAR LORD!

(From the ceiling, descending on a wire, Aquaman appears. All look up. Ready to attack. Blackout.)

from my my website

3 Comments:

At 12:53 AM, Blogger Lorrimer said...

You are one sick fucker, Shakescene.

 
At 12:47 PM, Blogger Zachary said...

zay, you have too much freetime on your hands... and i guess, in this case, that is a good thing...

 
At 5:26 PM, Blogger Lucas Krech said...

Rock!

 

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